Tools to Create the Joy of Life
Origin
When we are children, our mental state is like Adam and Eve in paradise, we are a blank canvas, we are unaware of the concept of time, as well as the idea of good and evil. The world just revolves naturally, thus we look for food, comfort, and love. During that time, we are in total familiarity with our inner child. When we are hungry or feel unwell, we cry, when we feel love, we laugh, and when we are tired, we sleep.
As time goes by, we seem to be able to grasp the contrast. We feel more secure when mommy is around, as it means that we can have easy access to food. We recognise the differences between wet diapers, and dry diapers, and we realise who the people are whom we can depend on. Through that we create admiration. The people who take care of us become our role models, as we ourselves want to become people who are dependable.
Through imitation, we begin to also try and copy their values and rules, and as that happens we start to lose a connection with ourself. At this stage, we base our choices on the opinion of others, and as this happens we start to distance ourselves from our inner child. We no longer listen and explore how we can empower our own value, and thus we create, and act in, ways that are not truthful to ourself. In a way, we downloaded all those thoughts that are not aligned with our beliefs and these turn into negative, depressive thoughts.
Relationship with Failure
To make things worse, we have a very unhealthy relationship with failure. There are infinite ways to fail, but much fewer ways to succeed. This means that more often than not our probability of failure is much higher than success; and if we treat failure as evidence to devalue ourselves, we will begin a constant habit of devaluing ourselves. This is the start of depression.
As failure is only an indication of “there is something we can do to improve” this means that more often than not there is something we can fix. This in turn means that we are on a path of evolution, thus it should be something to be proud of. “I am constantly evolving”.
Mental State
Once negative and devaluing thoughts have “infected” our inner dialogue, there are other matters that can make things worse:
· Analytical energy being on overdrive:
o This refers to people who are not aware on their logical thinking, which is working on autopilot. Typically, this applies to people with a high IQ, since they tend to think 10 steps ahead. When their thought direction is towards a negative one, they walk towards that 10 steps ahead, too.
§ The solution for this is to be aware of that situation, and to be able to say “it has not happened yet therefore there is no use in overthinking about it” or “it is time to take a rest and let it go now”
· Overly integrated in the past:
o In this sense it means that someone keeps on living within trauma from the past. This means they are constantly worried that they may be hurt again or are still living in the “victim” energy, thus still living in pain. They are unable to see the lessons of that past trauma, and are unable to move past it, ultimately creating baggage that vibrates negative thoughts.
§ For this they need to view trauma as information to learn from; meaning their pain is the message of a value that they hold dear, and that value needs to be protected. Alternatively, there is something that they can work on to become the best version of themselves.
· Overly focused on the Dimensional Reality:
§ In this case it refers to people who live in the “what-if” world, regretting decisions in the past or lost opportunities, which makes them unable to learn the lesson life has thrown at them. People like that are never satisfied or happy because they refuse to live in the present timeline they are given. The biggest trouble with this is that they are not living in the proper reality, they want to project what they desire to the world yet they do not correct their course with the world’s feedback. Thus, they are not aligned with their truth towards the path of evolution.
Solution:
1. Recode yourself, create your immune system
The best possible way to fight depression is to be able to find your own value, which is constantly spoken through the language of the inner child. But before that’s possible, we need to understand what depression is:
Depression is essentially a stream of constant negative messages that go through our head. These thoughts devalue us, and ultimately demotivate us. Depression is a virus that eats away at our self-respect, and our self-love.
In real life, to fight a virus we need to be able to create a vaccine. So how does a vaccine work?
Essentially, a vaccine is created by injecting a “dead” version of the virus into the body. Our immune system then recognises that virus, and is able to create an antibody to fight it.
Basically, we need to first identify the problem before trying to tackle it, but how can we do that with depression, which creates negative thought patterns?
First, we need to reprogramme that thought pattern.
When we are thinking about a negative thought that makes us upset; we need to be able to write down the exact thought that is causing that pain, and then write a rebuttal to that statement using our intellect.
For example, if the thought is “I am worthless”, we need to write it down. Then, we give an argument against it. “I admire Adam because he has a set value à He is close to me, which therefore means he values me à If someone that I consider of great value sees value in me à It means that the statement of “I am worthless” is false.
Through that process we are able to correct the course of our thought pattern from a place of devaluation to one of adding value. From there, we will be able to build self-love, and self-pride.
At the start, this process is tedious, and takes practice. But through manual rebuttal and manifestation, we will be able to build a new reflex, and sooner or later we will be able to naturally generate thoughts that empower us. It takes time and effort to “recode” our inner language.
2. Finding our own blueprint
Secondly, we need to be curious to find the “true value” within ourselves, and to be able to empower ourselves every day.
Our true value is spoken to us constantly through our emotions:
· When we are happy there is a value of ours being empowered.
· When we are angry there is a value of our being offended.
· When we are sad it means an opportunity for us to empower our value is being robbed
Example:
· I gave food to the homeless and I feel happy, why?
o Is it because I improved another person’s life, and I feel empowered that I am able to do so?
o Is it because I liked that smile on that person’s face?
o Is it because it gave me opportunity to be liked?
o Is it because I like the projected image of doing “good”?
· Depending on which of these questions resonate with us, we can create different activities to maximize our joy:
o You can aim to create groups that could improve lives in the neighbourhood
o You can train yourself to be a comedian or clown to bring joy to people around you
o You can study marketing so that you see trends of what people like, thus maximizing your chances of being liked
o You can study the psychological value of “good” and try to understand what that represents
All answers to actions are given to us just by asking “What brings me joy?” Other values can be found through sadness, and anger, too.
We often can empower other people’s sense of joy because it is easier to do so. We can see them, they are tangible, and it is easier to recognize that they exist. Whereas quite often, we “forget” that we exist, because we are viewing the world in a first-person camera angle; our joy and desires will seem less tangible.
When you are dating with someone, quite often when we make someone laugh or smile, we will think “I like that smile/ I like that laugh; how can I replicate that more often so I can see that?”. Or “What are that person’s interests, and how can I make that person like me?”.
The same thing needs to apply to ourselves, too. “I like that, what can I do to replicate that joy more often,” or “What should I do to make myself like me?”.
If we are having difficulty finding things that spark joy in us, we have to try to avoid situations that create sadness in us.
Once we do that often enough, we realise that quite often when we stay true to our own value, we like ourselves better. Ultimately, we’re able to like, and appreciate ourselves better, as we are on the path of living the best version of ourselves. Which brings us to the third point.
3. Create your evolutionary path.
This is according to the concept of “potential”. Whenever we have a story of a hero, the hero often has values that resonate strongly with us. These can be found in all sorts of stories and history books. If we like a superhero, we have to try to find out what aspects of that superhero we like the most, and “train” or “study” towards these elements.
Even through religion we can find our values. In Christianity, for instance, we can arguably say that the concept of “Jesus” is a story about the best potential a man can be. Hence where the saying “What would Jesus do?” came from.
Anyone can think of an aspect of themselves that they can improve on, and can create an evolutionary path out of it.
Example:
A kid comes up to you and says “I want to be Leonardo Da Vinci someday!” This is his role model, and it creates a roadmap towards the best version that he can be.
In order to make the plan for the roadmap of his path of the evolution we need to ask more questions. “What part of Leonardo Da Vinci do you like the best? Is it his buildings? His paintings? The scientific findings he discovered? Or is it the theory he proposed?”
“I don’t know, I just like way he analyses people.” Great, so we can now narrow it down to his theories, and his psychological findings.
Next, we can find out who the top five psychologists in history are, and then narrow this down further to the top three books of the top psychologist.
Then, we suggest the kid reads just ONE chapter of that book every day. From this we have created a plan to exercise, and help the kid walk towards the best version he can be.
The important part is not about what steps you take, it is about taking just one step.
If we have a dream already, great, we are able to make a plan towards it. “I want to write a book!”. Then we write a terrible first draft. Once we write the first draft, we have something to work with, maybe we can add stuff, maybe we can improve that chapter; it does not matter, we are already working on it.
It doesn’t matter which step or how big of a step we take once we identify the direction. Naturally, time changes, and so does our target. Our goals shift with time depending on the climate, but if we are stepping forward we will be evolving.
If we don’t have a dream, we can just be the best version of ourselves possible, which leads us to the next step.
4. Knowing the hierarchy of your own values
What I mean by this is to be aware, and very conscious of the sacrifices we are making in life. Since we are beings that are bound by time, we are basically in a constant state of deterioration. It takes time and effort just to maintain things in the way we want them to be, it takes even more time and effort to improve on things.
This means we are in a constant place of bargaining; we are always sacrificing to gain something else. This is also called opportunity cost.
· You want a better future, you are sacrificing your instant gratification of enjoyment for future wealth
· This project is important to you? Then it means you are might be sacrificing time with your family
Now the real question to ask ourselves is this: “Does this sacrifice justify the reward I am getting?”. Only you can answer that question.
If we are at work, and use lies and deceit to gain advantage to move up the ladder; is the loss of self-respect and value really worth it to us?
If we cheat for immediate pleasure, is losing the relationship with our family worth it to us?
If we are “adjusting” our personality to gain the affection of another person, is the devaluation of ourselves worth the “fabricated relationship” that we are gaining?
For all of these questions we need to be very clear of the hierarchy of our self-value.
Example:
If we have a strong sense of justice; the fact that someone apologises is likely important to us, because that is what we consider as fair. However, when we are in a heated argument, and we know that our partner is stubborn, insisting to have that apology may destroy the relationship. Then we need to be able to ask ourselves:
“Am I doing this out of sense of justice or a sense of pride?”
“How important is pride for me?”
“How important is justice for me?”
“How important is the harmony of the family for me?”
By knowing our hierarchy of values, we may choose to sacrifice our sense of justice for the harmony of the family, and thus we may need to let things go. Even if that action is not aligned with some of our values, we are doing it for a more important value we treasure.
We will always need to make sacrifices in order to be the best version of ourselves. So it better be the sacrifice we choose rather than the sacrifice the world chooses for us.
Understanding our sacrifice will always gain us self-respect, as we are honouring where our true value lies, and thus we will begin to build self-love.
Julien Florentin Siu
